The Myth of “Silent Men”
We often hear:
“Men don’t talk about their feelings, so it’s hard to help them.”
But is that really true?
Psychologist Martin Seager asks an important question:
“Are men not opening up — or is society not opening up to men?”
In other words, maybe men are talking… but no one is really listening.
In this video he talks to Dan from Manup about the empathy gap that leaves men unheard and flaws in traditional therapy.
Men Do Reach Out but do we hear them?
A study conducted by NCISH (National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Safety in Mental Health University of Manchester) looked at men who died in 2017. What they found might surprise you.
- 91% of middle-aged men had contact with a service before they died
- Most had seen their GP
- Half had been in touch with mental health services
- Some had contact with the justice system
So these men weren’t invisible.
They were already asking for help — just not always in obvious ways.
Talking Doesn’t Always Mean Words – How Men Communicate Differently
Men don’t always talk by sitting down and sharing feelings.
Some show stress through:
- Drinking more/doing drugs
- Anger/frustration/ starting fights
- Working too much
- Isolating themselves from friends/family
- Disturbed sleep
- Physical aches and pains
Take a look at some of the common issues below that can make men feel weighed down:
- Relationship trouble/breakup, divorce, custody issues
- Grief/bereavement
- Financial worries
- Addiction/gambling
- Debt
Check out the “what’s worrying you” section for further information with any of these issues
How can we make sure we are listening to men?
Recognise that not all men like to verbalise how they feel – look for changes in behaviour that might show they are struggling.
Empathy – Empathy shows you are actually listening, promotes understanding without judgement and stigma.
Creating a safe space – men will only open up when they feel safe to do so.
Unsure how to help someone get it off their chest?
Take a look at how you could start the conversation:
When and where
Its important to make sure you are somewhere you are both comfortable that enables them to offload and you listen.
Think about doing it when you are engaged in an activity
Men are more likely to offload when doing something. Perhaps you could go for a walk or even fishing.
It may be helpful to start by telling them you have noticed that they have not seemed themselves. No matter the outcome of what he says the fact you have shown an interest and care will mean a lot.
Just listen
Do not feel you need to fill the silence or try to fix things. Offer reassurance that they are not alone.
Be prepared
If you are wanting to broach the subject with a man in your life then be prepared to offer them some information on where they could get help. See Support Available | Calm your mind
Check in again
This can be a call, text or even arranging to meet up again.
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MONEY WORRIES
Are money worries affecting your wellbeing? Read our guide on the practical steps you can take to calm your mind, plus tips on where to seek expert support.
Mental Health Awareness Week
Helping men cope with grief and loss
Whether it is the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship or the loss of a child, losing someone or something we love can have a devastating impact.